My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul.

In this life, only two things are certain. While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. Maybe there's a cute barista at the coffee place down the street, or a sexy new person in your friend circle, and you find yourself looking forward to your future interactions with them a liiiiiittle too much, and bask in the rush from their attention for hours afterwards. It might feel special, but it's incredibly normal. Our brains are excellent at convincing us that sex with this new person will be extremely hot. Because as steamy as the sex you're already having with your partner may be, it's still the same steamy sex you've been having for the past four years. It's comfortable and familiar, and every so often we crave the thrill of something new.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, and he has several high school friends who visited from out of state recently who I got to finally meet. His best friend has a sister who lives in our area, who met up with us as well for lunch and came with his whole crew and us to the bar afterwards. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. He got sort of giggly and lit up while talking to her, asking her questions about her life, just seeming way too interested. On the way to the bar he and I rode together. I tried to ask him about it and he insisted he had not flirted with her and we got in a pretty big fight on the way to the bar. So it was tense between us for the rest of the outing which was several hours. The same vibe came up with the two of them at the bar, he seemed very interested in talking to her and not to me. I again brought up the flirty behavior between him and her about a week later, and finally got it out of him-he admitted that he has had a crush on her since high school, that she gives him butterflies, and that they made out one time a few years back but that he never went any further with her. Ever since this incident, I feel betrayed that he never told me about her. He then did some weird privacy setting changes such as hiding his friends list that was previously visible. Is it wrong of me to be so hurt by this? I really wish he cared about my feelings enough to unfriend her.

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. Long term relationships are hard enough without adding into the mix a lifelong unrequited crush on someone you continue to see socially.

What is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements , the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person.

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation Read More. Sylvia Smith shares insights on love revitalization and conscious living. She believes purposeful actions can transform relationships into happier, healthier ones. The heart has a way of leading us into uncharted territory, igniting feelings and emotions we may not always expect or desire. One such territory is finding ourselves developing a crush on someone who is already in a committed relationship. It is a situation that can be fraught with inner conflict, ethical considerations, and emotional turmoil for all parties involved. In this article, we seek to provide guidance and support on how to navigate this complex terrain with empathy, respect, and self-awareness. Acknowledging and accepting our feelings of attraction towards someone in a relationship is the first step towards understanding and addressing the situation.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

Passionate relationship writer, Kaida Hollister, renowned for insightful and engaging writing on love, human connection, psychology, and personal growth. Did you know that a significant number of people in committed relationships experience having a crush on someone else? This statistic may come as a surprise, but it highlights a common and often unspoken aspect of romantic life: when you have a crush on someone outside your committed relationship. This phenomenon raises several questions and emotions, from guilt and confusion to curiosity about what these feelings mean.

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One thing does not just lead to another. Our brains are excellent at convincing us that sex with this new person will be extremely hot. I would imagine that your self-esteem is not high enough to assert yourself in relationships, and therapy can help with this. Our experts insist there is no black-and-white answer here. Or alleviate your guilt. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. Yes, I agree that it would be nice for you to be more a part of his friend group after years of being together, and it would be flattering if they reached out to include you, on social media and in real life. At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession , has to say on the matter. Main Menu U. As Americans head to the polls in , the very future of our country is at stake. On the way to the bar he and I rode together. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. If you start crushing on this guy, it might be because you have unfinished business with your father.

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette.

While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. Westend61 via Getty Images. Popular in the Community. Pregnancy tips Pregnancy loss Baby names Delivery Postpartum. If so, what might that tell you about what you really value and want in life? International U. Email Address. For therapy, go here for Dr. About The Dr. I wanted to be more of a part of his life by now. Log in to hide these messages. So it was tense between us for the rest of the outing which was several hours. The task, says Phillips, is self-reflection. Submit a tip.